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Showing posts from January, 2021

The Terrible Thespian Roommate.

  I lived in a house with a female roommate who was some kind of drama major or former theater kid and would only talk in transatlantic accent and discuss wine by calling it a “vintage”. She had friends over all the time and they would all be very similar to her, almost like Judy Funny’s entire crew of misfits and weirdos. I think we went to the movies with her friends and I sat down in a seat and could not tell if her friends started filling in the row around us or if they were other over the top fans of the movie we were going to see. I came home one day and she was dramatically descending the stairs on a wired landline phone, saying to the person on the other line, “i would far rather get wine drunk on fine bottled courage.” She was annoying, like some character from The Great Gatsby appearing in the 21st century and refusing to change any standard or inflection or understanding of the world. Justine and Kaleena came to the house and had to leave because she was annoying them so muc

The Overgrowth. Foot falls to waking.

  Went to my hometown and things were being overtaken by this massive growth. It was terraforming streets and buildings into large and lush jungle overgrowth. You would see green patches of grass slowly building into vine and brush and then massive trees and huge rainforest dense patches of plant life. We tried to go to the movie theater i used to work at but instead it was a hotel lobby, abandoned and covered in plants and shrubs. We were watching flying creatures zip like birds back and forth between the cavernous jungle of where the innards of the theater would be and the place where the neighborhood used to be across the street from it. Before we left, we watched as a slowly hovering creature floated from one side of the street to the next, as if on a cable, slowly drifting in a single direction from one patch of land to the next. People who I was visiting in the town were used to it, not at all jarred by the transition like I was.  Later, I waited in an office park for someone. On

The Wrong Side of Help, Exiting In West Virginia, and a Mirage of the Dead.

  I escaped a pedophile ring. We drove around in a van and the holes in the van, the windows, were similar to those big domed portal windows in the mcdonald’s play places. I was not one of the children, but instead one of the counselors they employed that was there to take care of the children in a way that made them feel safe like something like this was absolutely normal and it was their job. The other counselors were in on the whole scheme of bringing these kids around and engaging in the acts with the kids as well but I think the way it seemed is that i was more one of the “lower level” envoys who would pass kids from one “base” to another. I took an entire van of kids and drove somewhere off the grid, like in the woods somewhere and I let them out and I told them a bunch of places to go so that they would always have someone with them that knew about these types of rings and that they were adults who could be trusted. One kid kept his head on my shoulder the entire time I was driv

Baking Secrets and How the Shaman Was Nearly Abandoned.

  I had this baking secret where i would put a bunch of ingredients in a big plastic bag and bake it to the point where it got really hot, absolutely steaming, and it would still be liquid and then remove it from the oven. Then i would place this little canister inside the bag, it would look like a small can of wd40, and tie it closed for 90 seconds and it would come out as dough, but soft and peelable kind of like pizza dough and people could make it into whatever baked good they wanted but they had to do it right away. With intention. You needed a plan.  I went to a house and it was Kaleena’s coworker’s house. She was spanish speaking and her husband was home. She was nowhere to be found. We came in and were baking and trying to do what we usually do when making the special dough and he was talking to us in this low mumbled Spanish the entire time. Cockroaches were on the wall, on the faucet and in little jars of fruit. Everywhere. At some point we saw that they had m&ms in a jar