only if you can breathe.

 Ii was going to see a band i hadn’t really known that well before, but i had met someone that i knew was going to be at this show. I have a vague recollection of wanting to “psych myself up” for their live performance, but i was in a new city (felt like san francisco?) and i didn’t have my bearings about me. I met an EMT while i was out at an… office?... and i think they checked my breathing and vitals and i was told i needed to get breathing treatments. So i made an appointment for a week down the line (or so it felt) and was going to come back and get the treatments in a few days. She gave me a paper with stats written down, but none of it meant anything to me. I think the notes were in my dad’s handwriting.


When it came time to do my breathing treatment, i was at the hospital in a waiting room and was vaguely aware of my friends returning from a vacation and they wanted me to come by their outdoor barbecue/picnic after the treatment. I eventually ended up getting put in a wheelchair by a nurse who was actually a really cool guy and was explaining that the thing i was getting was a whole injection and, like, a rewiring of my respiratory system and i was like umm, i don’t think i need that, but whatever you guys think. He ended up looking at the paper i brought and he also called the EMT and went over the stats and the numbers were crazy. He actually was showing the friends who just came back from vacation the stats, and a couple of the guys were like oh wow, those numbers are crazy. And they were asking, “was there anything making you nervous or anything?” and i was explaining going to the show and meeting the person i just met, and they were like yeah, that makes sense for this number… but he listened to my breathing and he said i was fine so he let me leave the appointment but to check back in so he could see if any of my numbers went down.


I joined the friends around the picnic and was talking about their vacation and they were saying that wherever they were and here is exactly the same, it’s just not HERE. and they were saying “that’s the trick about vacations…” and i was kind of jiving with that. One of the women there was asking me if i remember when we first met how i was connecting with her about nostalgia and memory, and that she always talks to people about the way i talk about memory and the past, and it has an effect on her that no one else has.

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