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generate a pyramid of thought.

  I was at a symposium type of ordeal. We were being sorted into different aptitudes, and i happened to get something about organization. I think they were testing my ability to organize sentences into important order while someone talked? That talk turned into an NHL hockey game, but i was paying so much attention, it felt like i was watching it on television. It was a long time before i realized that i wasn’t watching it on TV but it was happening in front of me AND there was no other crowd other than the gathered “students” there. Sidney Crosby scored a 140th instance of some kind of record and that’s when it really stood out. It was like they lifted some kind of railroad crossing arm and allowed way more people into the arena and people were flooding in to their seats. I take a step back and i realize that we’ve been in this sort of larger media booth that feels more like a student auditorium. One of the girls running the “class” came up to me and asked somewhat innocently, hey...
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i can DJ in another city where we haven't kissed.

  i remember starting specifically in the back room of belle hall and cleaning or finishing cold brew and talking about an incredible hulk scene that's so sad and that in some way he lost his child and the scream that the hulk let out was so desperate and loud it was one of the best of all time, like you could really feel the emotion. A coworker went up front through the backroom door and I tried to recreate the scream but my voice wouldn't come out.  later that night myself and two coworkers leave together talking about going to another city for a dj set that bigger coworker was going to run. he had his trunk stacked with his gear and we were all excited to go. we drive separately to his house bc we’re all going together and were going to spend the night there in the new city. He keeps boasting about how he knows where it is. We get to his house to drop off the cars and end up going into their house and it's kind of awkward in the house. I think their spouse doesn't kn...
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escapism as a place.

  i had a dream i was in a resort. like a brightly lit, very beachy, everyone wearing white type of place. i was with a group of women and it was for a massive event. maybe bachelorette party. something where one of the women was being celebrated. i didnt know the woman but cassie pinner was one of the women there and laura from carissa’s work at betsey johnson was there. it was from her dreadlock days, not her bald head days. i was having a really great time and felt like i was being very entertaining and warm and fun and we laughed a lot and got surprised by how good things felt, often. there was a sense of timelessness, like nothing was going to end, and even if it did, we werent going BACK to anything. there was also a safety of not having to undersell or undercompensate for not being attracted to any of these women. it was all a very clear and direct sense of platonic joy that was equally reciprocated. the mode was coated with a fantastic ease. 
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the passing room.

  My dad is in the ICU right now, likely going to pass in the next few days. I’ve been contemplating a lot of the logistics that are going to take place over the next few days, if not weeks. I’m trying to figure out a lot of the little things that are going to be actionable and a lot of the ways that things truly won’t be all that different in a very intimate and immediate way, but the weight of reflection has really taken on a different shine. It’s given me a lot of thought about legacy and the way that memories end up being our avatar, a bastion to those who need to seek us out when we’re not there any longer. The light we cast is the light they have. If they chose to capture it, it’s what they’re going to sustain with.  Last night, or really, early morning after not being able to get too deep into a sleep, i had a dream that he was in a room with me. It may have been the living room I was in… but really, I don’t really remember the dimensions or the room itself. But he was ...
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for all the days, for all that’s been given.

  i dont have the right words to capture this, although i have to try. i just woke from a dream with an emotion of such immense love and care and like… lifelong eternal friendship? being seen? but it isn’t about the person in it, but the person more represented a sense of affirmation that i needed? or was granting myself.  i was at work, and i was facing an ice bin or the mastrena and i feel myself being hugged from behind. two arms reach around me and meet their arms in the front of me and i think it’s kaleena. i look to my right and it’s jess (who is pretty short?) and she’s got her head on my shoulder talking to me, but her eyes are greener and her complexion is tanner and i’m feeling a sense of… appreciation and gratitude? kind of like an expression of thank you for being here, you are doing the right things, you are giving everything you are asked and required, and i start to turn, to be like hey man, thank you and she keeps me kind of at arms’ length and is talking to ...
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keep it together, he’s a legend.

 sent to Bill: i had a dream that we were at this very serious retreat that was about like keeping your emotions calm in business or something? and we were separated into a lot of different “classrooms” but there was one where we finally got together and it was in this larger auditorium type of room. and i got brought up on stage to answer questions about something. in that moment LITERALLY GANDHI shows up as a surprise guest and i’m trying not to laugh like fighting for my life trying not to laugh and gandhi brought like a “special book” and is talking to me and trying to show me and flip through the pages and bc i’m laughing all i can say is “…ohh” and you’re up front sneaking pictures and video with your cell phone and we are DYING laughing without laughing. 
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a killing.

  I’m unsure how the event began, but i can tell you that i was in Jacob Geller’s neighborhood, kind of like an area of suburbia. It was night. He was “home alone” meaning that he wasn’t living alone but his significant other (his boyfriend in this case, i believe?) was on a trip and was coming home that night. I don’t know what we were talking about but it seemed more like he was guiding me through something and trying to keep me focused on something or other. I kept feeling the camera roll off into the corners of the room, kind of like the camera stick on a controller having “stick drift” but as he would talk, it would lock me back into the vision of the conversation. There is a gap in between when he and i were speaking the first time and then when i went back to his house but the events that happened between those nodes were really impactful to the overall sense of the dream. I walked through a school yard which reminded me of Abbey Lane’s open field, just outside of the playgr...
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