astral outlines; outcomes.

 thursday into friday


laying on a couch with someone, i barely feel my body. I mostly just feel my arms and hands. The rest, I kind of see as an outline of myself that I can’t recognize. One arm is wrapped behind their body holding them and my hand is on their waist and it feels familiar, but feels like someone else. It feels like a flashback or a memory trap. My left hand is exploring their body but I cant see them. The room is pitch black, and I am making out what I see by feel. I am trying to map their body with just my hand. The entire time we are just talking but also, I’m asking questions on her body with my hand, asking permission with my hand. And she is either complying with her body or i am still trying to figure out what her needs are. We’re talking about something else (us?) and the words don't match what were doing. It feels like they are resisting talking about anything definitive but also implying that what they are allowing me to do is proof enough. They don't want to say it because they want me to understand through their actions, but i am afraid to go further with my actions because she won’t say it. I’ll have to dive in completely if I’ll ever want to be sure.

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